Sad...

It is sad when you realize that something that used to fit you so well, is no longer the right fit. It feel like everything is suddenly unaligned and you are scrambling to put it all back together. I guess in life, it can feel like a puzzle. When pieces come together, it feels miraculous and you feel just a little more complete. But when a piece comes apart, you are fumbling around with all the loose pieces frantically trying to make one finally fit in its place. I HATE this feeling. I was talking to my best friend today, and she said that the word "hate" was a very strong word. So I told her that it was the right word to use then.

It is quite a revelation when you realize you are so close to a melt down from the stress in your life. I actually would like to get sick, or injured, to be able to take a break from my life. I think the part that is the most scary for me is that I know I cannot even afford to take a little break. I am bound by my debts. It is honestly enough to make me want to run screaming through the streets. I just need a break. I need an out. God, please give me a sign that there is an end to this...please show me that there is some justice in this world...