The Dynamics of Friendships as a Mother

One of the hardest lessons I learned since I started this rollercoaster ride of motherhood, was in regard to friendships. It could be said that you truly know who you can count on and who your real friends are, once you get pregnant. Those few individuals will be the people that actually stand by you during your pregnancy, and subsequently stand by you and your baby following the birth. I can assure you that some people will surprise you by their support, and some others may break your heart by their lack of support.

It is hard to say what it is about having a baby that may drive certain individuals away. I myself have been trying to understand this phenomenon since I got pregnant. A couple of wise older married friends with children have warned me that some friendships may change or be lost, but I definitely did not fully understand the depths of it, and the feelings of loss that could accompany a friendship breaking apart. Perhaps, it is the fear of the unknown for those individuals. Or perhaps, the friendship simply is no longer fun for them. I guess I was most shocked by how cold a “friend” could become, particularly when they were aware that I was going through something scary, foreign and emotional. During this time, I think the smallest act of kindness, such as a text message asking how you are feeling, could make my day.

Attaining closure after having dealt with the loss of a friend is something that I am continually working on. I guess this end point has been hard for me to achieve because I really do not understand the reasoning behind their shutdown. I know that if the roles were reversed, I definitely would want to be supportive of a friend that is going through a pregnancy, and the events that follow. Perhaps I am naïve to think that most people are willing to see past their own selfish needs and want to be supportive.

While I was grieving the loss of a few friendships, I did however become closer with a few particular friends and also developed a few new friendships. Other mothers in particular, were a huge source of comfort to me. I am grateful that there were a few new mothers who reached out to me following Jory’s birth because there were definitely lots of instances where I needed advice or it was even comforting to just know that they had gone through the same things. I would say to any new mom to appreciate any other mom who is willing to reach out to you. Great friendships could form when there are common interests…and play-dates are definitely something that I always look forward to.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding was something that I probably should have given a little more thought to prior to giving birth to Jory. While I had gone to a breastfeeding class, I still felt like I probably should have taken it more seriously and prepared myself better. It was so overwhelming that as soon as I gave birth, it was expected that I could nurse him automatically. There I was after having gone through the whole ordeal of giving birth, and having not slept for basically a couple of days, facing the fact that I had to feed this baby and he was counting on me to provide him with what he needed.

Thankfully, I could probably be seen as a mother that actually didn’t have too many problems with breastfeeding although it was something that didn’t come as naturally as I had hoped. Many mothers that I have talked to, reported having much more problems with their babies latching as well as milk production issues. For me, I mostly had a frustrating first night, but by the second day, baby and me started to get the hang of it and we haven’t had any problems since. I have also been lucky in terms of milk production since I continue to have lots of milk for baby and it is now over a year now to date.

Medela Swing Pump

Medela Mini Electrip Pump
Relating to breastfeeding, pumping has basically been the bane of my existence for the last year. It pains me to think of the countless hours that have been spent sitting around watching my pump doing its work. The pump that I have been using is the Medela Swing. I’m quite happy with it although it did start malfunctioning a bit in the last little while: shutting off on its own randomly. I have a feeling that it may have been a tad overworked though in this last year. Originally, a friend had given me a Medela Mini Electric pump, and it was horrible. I couldn’t believe the lack of power and its noisiness. Considering the small price difference (the Swing retails for approximately $200, and the Mini Electric is approximately $135), it seems foolish to even bother with the Mini Electric. I think that hand expressing is probably as effective or maybe even more effective than using the Mini Electric!

For the last little while, one of my main concerns is weaning particularly since I am now back at work. I was hoping that my breastfeeding days would be over or finishing up, but it doesn’t seem that baby is ready at this point. We have been trying to give him regular homo milk on occasion but he does not seem to want it, so I am left feeling like I need to breastfeed to ensure he gets enough milk. Such as with everything else that comes with motherhood, I guess I have to play it by ear. I have learned that every child is different and I cannot have expectations about what is supposed to happen at a certain time. Many people will tell you their beliefs, but only you can decide what is right for your child. For my sake, I can only hope that it will happen sooner rather than later.

Reflecting on my First Year of Motherhood

It is incredible to think that my first year of motherhood has already passed and I am now back at work…I’m a working mom! The year was definitely a rollercoaster ride with many highs and lows. To think about what I was going through at the same time last year is crazy. I remember feeling pretty overwhelmed. On many occasions, I was left feeling like pretty much a failure as a mother. Already during the first night, I remember feeling so lost because breastfeeding did not seem to come naturally to me. I began to wonder if I would ever get it…but thankfully by the next day, he was latching properly and eating plenty from that point on. For the first month at least, I thought I was the worst mother because he seemed to spit up so much. I kept thinking that I couldn’t burp him properly which was leading him to spit up. In retrospect, all of these types of issues…they could probably be seen as rights of passages as a parent, such as when baby pees/pooes on a parent for the very first time.

Baby went for his one year shots last week, and we are happy to report that he is booming. He only gained about a pound since we weighed him when he was nine months old, but his height was what surprised us…he grew 11 cm., making him in the 75th percentile for height! I have a feeling that it won’t actually be that long until the time when I will be looking up at my son. Yikes!

The feeling of love you have for you own child is definitely infinite and seeing them smile or hearing their laughter makes it all worthwhile.

My First Mother's Day

Yesterday, an freak accident occurred which shook me to my core. It was the kind of accidents that you never forget, and it still brings shivers to your spine when you relive it in your mind. I now completely understand what my mom meant when she told me that as a parent, you never fully get over certain things that your child goes through, even when they can heal from it and move on quickly. Certain events just kind of stay in a mother's mind, and I guess it stays there as a warning...to always be careful, and never take for granted your time with your child.

As we were getting ready for a Mother's day dinner last night, I was trying to keep baby calm while hubby changed his diaper since we had just woken him up from his nap. With the nearest thing being a red envelope with lucky money that grandma had given him, that I could distract him with, I waved it over him so he would hold it with his hand. To my surprise, a looney fell out and straight into his mouth. I couldn't get it from his mouth and he started to choke. Hubby told me to call 911 right away. So I ran to the nearest phone (which happened to be corded) and phoned. The lady made me stay on the line which was a little frustrating because I couldn't quite reach the room since the phone was corded. Thankfully, hubby was able to stroke his back, and baby was able to puke it back up. We told the lady on the phone right away but as the ambulance was already on its way, she said that they would still come by just to take a quick look at him. They basically just took a look at his colouring (it was normal) and checked his heartbeat (which was fine) and then left. It took a little while to calm baby down since he was a little hysterical after the incident (I think the strangers coming in to check him freaked him out too). Thankfully, by the time we drove down to dinner though (watching youtube videos on my iphone), he had completely calmed down.

I guess the most ironic part was that this had to occur on my first real Mother's day. It will definitely be something that I will never forget. I still feel like such a failure as a mother for it. Last night as I put him to bed, I almost couldn't bear to put him down into his crib. It was definitely comforting to know that hubby can act calmly in an emergency situation and I think the first aid course he took, definitely helped. The ambulance also came really quickly and they told us that they already slowed down after finding out that baby had puked the looney up, which is also somewhat reassuring.

I guess I have to see it as a learning lesson. Especially since I know that kids get rough sometimes, and there will definitely be bumps and bruises along the way...

Clogged Milk Ducts

I would first like to apologize for my lack of posts on this blog. As I seemed to have rounded the corner in terms of nearing the end of my parental leave from work, I've wanted to try to take advantage of my free time as much as possible. It is definitely true when people tell you that the year will pass in a flash and you will be back at work before you know it. Baby is now nine months...he is somewhat crawling, and quite active. The picture above is from a birthday party we had recently attended. It was his first time "driving", and the crazy road rage face he gave me was definitely priceless! Just like daddy! I'm afraid already!
Now onto the topic at hand...

About a couple of months ago, I felt a dull, aching pain along the top of one of my breast. I was quite concerned as I had gone so many months of breastfeeding without any complications. I proceeded to ask my friend Mo, who always seems to have an answer for me when I have questions about motherhood (Thank God for friends like this!). She told me that it was probably a clogged milk duct and I should massage the sore spot in the shower. If the problem continued for a couple of days, she said I should probably go to the doctor though. I took the advice and the problem cleared up pretty quickly. Basically by the same night, I stopped feeling the pain. This morning, I felt the same pain in a different spot when I was in yoga class (definitely did not feel good when we were laying on our stomachs), and felt compelled to write about this problem.

If you'd like to read a little more about this issue, I found a helpful article from Baby Center.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_clogged-milk-ducts_8494.bc

Hopefully, this helps any new mothers from any panic attacks because we certainly have enough things to worry about!

Child Car Seat Regulations in Canada

After my last post, I was surprised by a friend who informed me that my purchase of a car seat in the United States was actually illegal. It seemed smart to purchase a car seat across the border since the price difference is substantial. It had never even occurred to me that I should do a little more reading before heading cross border to purchase a car seat since they carry the same brands, and even almost identical models.

After receiving this information, I began to do some research. It was not long before I found the information that I needed. Here's a link to the most relevant notice regarding this issue:

http://www.tc.gc.ca/eng/roadsafety/safedrivers-childsafety-notices-2007c09-menu-353.htm

I found the repercussions for purchasing a car seat out of Canada quite shocking. If you do not feel like reading the notice, this includes:

•Confiscation of the seat at the border or after it has entered Canada;
•Fines and/or demerit point penalties;
•Reduced or voided insurance coverage for injury or death; and
•Possible criminal charges and/or civil litigation.

I think the most troubling part of all, is thinking of all the oblivious people (like I once was) that have absolutely no idea that there is an issue with obtaining a car seat out of Canada. There is already so much to learn when becoming a parent that you are constantly overwhelmed...how are you ever able to be completely informed?

So the inevitable next question after finding out this information was what to do next? Thankfully, we had purchased the car seat at a Babies R Us, so we had a couple of options. We could either head back over the border and get a refund, or return it to a Babies R Us in Vancouver and get a store credit. We decided on the latter since we did not want to waste the money on gas to return the car seat.
The most ironic part of all of this, is that we then used the store credit towards basically the identical car seat, but the Canadian version which has the crucial National Safety Mark sticker. For this all-important sticker, we had to fork out basically another hundred dollars. Also note that both car seats are made in the United States!

Britax Boulevard bought in the United States:


Britax Boulevard bought in Canada:


I guess I should be thankful that I was informed about this before it was too late for us to return the car seat from Portland.

Roadtrip to Portland, Oregon

Me and hubby generally head down to Portland at least once a year to do a little shopping and to get away. Finances unfortunately have not really allowed us to venture away too far. Nevertheless, we try to make the best of it! Shopping in Portland allows us to maximize our dollars since there is no tax and we are able to shop at outlets. This year was a little different though since we have our new little addition. Hubby's parents came along, which was fine with me since they definitely helped to give me and hubby a little more freedom. The purpose of the trip has shifted though...it definitely was all about the baby! I would like to call this trip "Spoiling Jory 2011".

Something that I was surprised about when heading down to Portland, was their use of this sling contraption for baby car seats. There were many versions of the "sling" but the general concept is that a car seat can be placed on top, and it would be secured in the same fashion as how the base of a car seat would secure the actual seat in the car. I found a photo of one of these slings. I thought this version was best since it is also a high chair but the seat flips down to allow it to become a car seat holder. Now the real question is...why don't they have these in Canada?

Unsurprisingly, we also had some fun at Carter's (both me and Grandma). I guess we just couldn't resist. We may have gone a bit overboard! For a little under $100, this is what we ended up getting (top picture is the items that fit baby right now and the bottom picture is for future wear):



We also purchased many other little things for baby which I will not bore you with the details but a big purchase we made was a new car seat for Jory since he is quickly outgrowing his infant car seat. We ended up getting a Britax Boulevard Convertible car seat for $260US. I saw the same one at Babies R Us in Vancouver and it was priced at $340. After tax, I believe we probably saved pretty close to $100 so I'm pretty happy with the purchase.

All in all, it was a tiring but fun trip for the family!