Duty

I watched today as a friend left for a new adventure in her life. I could not help but feel envy for never having had the chance to be able to do the same. There has always been far too many responsibilities in my adult life and too many financial burdens that I cannot simply leave behind for others to pick up the slack. I have never fully understood how some people have the audacity to leave everything behind, and their loved ones are left to pick up the pieces frantically. A scene in Sense and Sensibility comes to mind when I think about my sense of duty. Marianne asks why Elinor did not express her feelings when she found out about Edward's relationship with another woman:

"Always resignation and acceptance...always prudence, honor and duty. Elinor, where is your heart?" Marianne asks.
"What do you know of my heart? What do you know of anything but your own suffering?" Elinor retorts.

While the love of my life was not taken from me, I can definitely empathize with Elinor's situation. I also feel trapped because of my situation, and I spend an abnormal amount of time trying to conceal my weaknesses. However this, does not mean that I do not feel all the emotions of despair inside, by any means.