The Dynamics of Friendships as a Mother

One of the hardest lessons I learned since I started this rollercoaster ride of motherhood, was in regard to friendships. It could be said that you truly know who you can count on and who your real friends are, once you get pregnant. Those few individuals will be the people that actually stand by you during your pregnancy, and subsequently stand by you and your baby following the birth. I can assure you that some people will surprise you by their support, and some others may break your heart by their lack of support.

It is hard to say what it is about having a baby that may drive certain individuals away. I myself have been trying to understand this phenomenon since I got pregnant. A couple of wise older married friends with children have warned me that some friendships may change or be lost, but I definitely did not fully understand the depths of it, and the feelings of loss that could accompany a friendship breaking apart. Perhaps, it is the fear of the unknown for those individuals. Or perhaps, the friendship simply is no longer fun for them. I guess I was most shocked by how cold a “friend” could become, particularly when they were aware that I was going through something scary, foreign and emotional. During this time, I think the smallest act of kindness, such as a text message asking how you are feeling, could make my day.

Attaining closure after having dealt with the loss of a friend is something that I am continually working on. I guess this end point has been hard for me to achieve because I really do not understand the reasoning behind their shutdown. I know that if the roles were reversed, I definitely would want to be supportive of a friend that is going through a pregnancy, and the events that follow. Perhaps I am naïve to think that most people are willing to see past their own selfish needs and want to be supportive.

While I was grieving the loss of a few friendships, I did however become closer with a few particular friends and also developed a few new friendships. Other mothers in particular, were a huge source of comfort to me. I am grateful that there were a few new mothers who reached out to me following Jory’s birth because there were definitely lots of instances where I needed advice or it was even comforting to just know that they had gone through the same things. I would say to any new mom to appreciate any other mom who is willing to reach out to you. Great friendships could form when there are common interests…and play-dates are definitely something that I always look forward to.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding was something that I probably should have given a little more thought to prior to giving birth to Jory. While I had gone to a breastfeeding class, I still felt like I probably should have taken it more seriously and prepared myself better. It was so overwhelming that as soon as I gave birth, it was expected that I could nurse him automatically. There I was after having gone through the whole ordeal of giving birth, and having not slept for basically a couple of days, facing the fact that I had to feed this baby and he was counting on me to provide him with what he needed.

Thankfully, I could probably be seen as a mother that actually didn’t have too many problems with breastfeeding although it was something that didn’t come as naturally as I had hoped. Many mothers that I have talked to, reported having much more problems with their babies latching as well as milk production issues. For me, I mostly had a frustrating first night, but by the second day, baby and me started to get the hang of it and we haven’t had any problems since. I have also been lucky in terms of milk production since I continue to have lots of milk for baby and it is now over a year now to date.

Medela Swing Pump

Medela Mini Electrip Pump
Relating to breastfeeding, pumping has basically been the bane of my existence for the last year. It pains me to think of the countless hours that have been spent sitting around watching my pump doing its work. The pump that I have been using is the Medela Swing. I’m quite happy with it although it did start malfunctioning a bit in the last little while: shutting off on its own randomly. I have a feeling that it may have been a tad overworked though in this last year. Originally, a friend had given me a Medela Mini Electric pump, and it was horrible. I couldn’t believe the lack of power and its noisiness. Considering the small price difference (the Swing retails for approximately $200, and the Mini Electric is approximately $135), it seems foolish to even bother with the Mini Electric. I think that hand expressing is probably as effective or maybe even more effective than using the Mini Electric!

For the last little while, one of my main concerns is weaning particularly since I am now back at work. I was hoping that my breastfeeding days would be over or finishing up, but it doesn’t seem that baby is ready at this point. We have been trying to give him regular homo milk on occasion but he does not seem to want it, so I am left feeling like I need to breastfeed to ensure he gets enough milk. Such as with everything else that comes with motherhood, I guess I have to play it by ear. I have learned that every child is different and I cannot have expectations about what is supposed to happen at a certain time. Many people will tell you their beliefs, but only you can decide what is right for your child. For my sake, I can only hope that it will happen sooner rather than later.

Reflecting on my First Year of Motherhood

It is incredible to think that my first year of motherhood has already passed and I am now back at work…I’m a working mom! The year was definitely a rollercoaster ride with many highs and lows. To think about what I was going through at the same time last year is crazy. I remember feeling pretty overwhelmed. On many occasions, I was left feeling like pretty much a failure as a mother. Already during the first night, I remember feeling so lost because breastfeeding did not seem to come naturally to me. I began to wonder if I would ever get it…but thankfully by the next day, he was latching properly and eating plenty from that point on. For the first month at least, I thought I was the worst mother because he seemed to spit up so much. I kept thinking that I couldn’t burp him properly which was leading him to spit up. In retrospect, all of these types of issues…they could probably be seen as rights of passages as a parent, such as when baby pees/pooes on a parent for the very first time.

Baby went for his one year shots last week, and we are happy to report that he is booming. He only gained about a pound since we weighed him when he was nine months old, but his height was what surprised us…he grew 11 cm., making him in the 75th percentile for height! I have a feeling that it won’t actually be that long until the time when I will be looking up at my son. Yikes!

The feeling of love you have for you own child is definitely infinite and seeing them smile or hearing their laughter makes it all worthwhile.