Coming to Terms...

I have found that coming to terms with certain traumatic/emotional events in life is often a slow process. While life continues to evolve, and the elapse of time does help to mend a broken heart, there are still triggers in life which cause emotions to become as fresh as ever. It is these moments that I wish I could just turn off my emotions like a light switch, or teach myself to become more positive. However, this usually just does not happen.

Over the weekend, I had my baby shower. Being full term and anticipating going into labour at any moment definitely made it a more exhausting event, but I was absolutely awestruck to find myself amidst an enormous amount of love and support. There were all these people who not only brought material items for the baby, but provided emotional support as well. I felt absolutely overwhelmed and incredibly grateful. I hoped that baby could feel those feelings through me at that point. As quickly as I was overwhelmed by those feelings though, a twinge appeared out of nowhere. Again, there were those feelings of the loss of a friend which I seem to not be able to shake. In my head, I know it is absolutely ridiculous to dwell on a person who has simply turned their back on me, but in my heart…well…that is a different story. The tears welled up at the end of the day with the departure of the last of our friends, and with the acknowledgement that this person would not be arriving. Again…I was heartbroken…the moment in the bathroom was certainly not pretty. Later that night, I discussed my heartbreak to the hubby who was all too rational. Males really do not understand these types of feelings…after all…are emotions really rational in general?

They say time will mend all wounds, but does it really? The memories do fade, but I am often still caught off guard when feelings from childhood, my teenage years and beyond, resurface when triggered by current events.

I really do hope that our baby boy does not inherit my sensitivity.

On another note, one of my favorite gifts received from the baby shower is a bassinet from hubby's cousin. Here it is all built. What do you think?