Determination

Sometimes it is hard for me to even collect my thoughts. I have found that in this latter part of my pregnancy, I have tried to come to terms with my mental well-being and I have tried continuously to still my mind from wandering thoughts, but this is not always possible. Inevitably, there are some breakdowns. Keeping busy has truly helped, although there are always a few quiet moments…those are the moments that I fear.

Recently, we were informed that physically, I was ready to deliver this baby. I welcome the end to the physical discomfort of pregnancy; however, I know that a new can of worms is waiting to be opened. A new chapter of life is waiting to be written. I am trying with all my strength to stay positive and not succumb to the feelings of insecurity and doubt.

When looking at those ghastly stretch marks which have been the plague of my existence for the latter half of my pregnancy, it almost seems as if they symbolize my emotional scars. Right now, they are raw and red. The wounds are fresh. I know that they will eventually fade, become white and less noticeable. I can only hope that this happens quicker than anticipated, both physically and mentally.

I am determined to be a good mother, and I have always fought when it was needed in life. I guess I must go into this stage of my life ready to fight, not only for myself but also for my baby now. If it means looking for support elsewhere than I originally thought I would be receiving support, that’s what I’ll have to do.