Body after Baby

Hubby started complaining last night about my obsession about weight last night. Having struggled immensely with my weight for most of my life, this has been a huge concern for me particularly throughout my pregnancy, and I believe it will continue on (perhaps even more intensely) once the baby is born. A bit of history about me was that I was a gymnast for most of my childhood, and was actually pretty scrawny at that time. When I decided that gymnastics was not for me and quit the sport, my weight ballooned, something that my parents probably did not anticipate. From that time on, I have struggled with my weight. It took me many years to come to terms that I simply did not have the ideal Asian body, and I was essentially just more curvy and had a larger frame than the average Asian girl. Although aware of this fact, I still spent an enormous amount of time comparing myself to other Asian girls, and longing for their stick-like figures. Perhaps the only positive thing about this, is that it has taught me to become a very determined person, as well as someone that could be seen as quite motivated.

Prior to becoming pregnant, I had settled into a pretty strict exercise regime. I did Bikram yoga at least three days a week and went to jog/work out at least two days a week. I also was very cognizant of my food intake, focusing on portion control. Furthermore, I could be seen as a workaholic. Having been forced to deal with financial debt, I have held more than one job for many years, even four at a time at one point. Consequently, along with my exercise regime, I was also working long hours. I guess it was not until I actually got pregnant that the reality set in regarding the effects it would have on my body, particularly the dramatic weight gain. While I still continued to go to my Bikram yoga classes three times a week, I knew I could not work out, particularly as there was weight training involved. I also knew that I could not be working all the time, causing me to quit two of my part time jobs. While I knew that I was doing all of this for the greater good, I also knew that I was in trouble, particularly as the hunger pangs started and the routine weighing at the OBGYN visits began. Every time I have stepped on the scale, the panic set in again. It is especially troubling now that I am in my last month and visiting my OBGYN on a weekly basis.

With my yoga classes becoming increasingly difficult (for those of you who are not familiar with Bikram yoga, it is 26 postures done in a heated room and considered a more intense workout than many other yogas), I thought that swimming would be a decent alternative until the birth of the baby. Hubby did not seem to understand my obsession for replacing the activity, and asked why I could not just take it easy for the last couple of weeks. I really could not answer his question. Friends who have recently given birth (and lost the majority of the weight) try to reassure me that the weight will come off, as I will be burning calories through breastfeeding, however, I just cannot seem to shake my concerns. I could only pray that they are right. In the meantime, I started reading Body after Baby by Jackie Keller. Hopefully, I will feel somewhat empowered from reading this book, and be ready to tackle the task of losing the weight once baby is born.