My emotions have been all over the map in the last few weeks. It has been a rollercoaster ride to say the least. I went from a high (when we found out that we were having a boy) to an extreme low (when I found out someone I thought I knew so well, turned out to be someone completely different than I had thought). There was also a brief vacation in the midst of it all, which made me temporarily remove myself from reality.
The experience of finding out the gender of my baby was incredible. We went for a 3D ultrasound, which felt like we met our baby for the first time. We watched him for half an hour while he moved around, yawned, and seemingly got angry at us for invading on his private time. As we stared at his little features, the reality of this baby seemed to set in. His little features seem to be an exact replica of his father. Our little baby boy could now be seen as a distinct individual from all other babies. I would recommend this experience to any mother/father-to-be.
Amidst this great moment in our lives though, I could not help but feel that something was askew; a person in particular that had basically removed herself completely from my life. It had been a feeling I could not shake for some time now. I have reflected on the loneliness of pregnancy on several previous blogs, but I know that this feeling is in direct correlation with the relationship (or lack thereof) with this person. I know it is stupid that I could let a single individual affect me in this way (possibly even having an effect on my baby), but for some reason, it has been haunting me. I am torn when remembering the person I thought I knew, and then acknowledging the person as she is presenting herself to me now. In confronting her, she simply disregarded my concerns and placed the blame on me. I would honestly like to believe that it was my hormones or there were other outside forces, and it was not really her. I do not feel I am not rational though. So I am left looking like a fool…a fool for expecting the warmth of a friend.
I am utterly heartbroken.
The experience of finding out the gender of my baby was incredible. We went for a 3D ultrasound, which felt like we met our baby for the first time. We watched him for half an hour while he moved around, yawned, and seemingly got angry at us for invading on his private time. As we stared at his little features, the reality of this baby seemed to set in. His little features seem to be an exact replica of his father. Our little baby boy could now be seen as a distinct individual from all other babies. I would recommend this experience to any mother/father-to-be.
Amidst this great moment in our lives though, I could not help but feel that something was askew; a person in particular that had basically removed herself completely from my life. It had been a feeling I could not shake for some time now. I have reflected on the loneliness of pregnancy on several previous blogs, but I know that this feeling is in direct correlation with the relationship (or lack thereof) with this person. I know it is stupid that I could let a single individual affect me in this way (possibly even having an effect on my baby), but for some reason, it has been haunting me. I am torn when remembering the person I thought I knew, and then acknowledging the person as she is presenting herself to me now. In confronting her, she simply disregarded my concerns and placed the blame on me. I would honestly like to believe that it was my hormones or there were other outside forces, and it was not really her. I do not feel I am not rational though. So I am left looking like a fool…a fool for expecting the warmth of a friend.
I am utterly heartbroken.
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