So here’s the vision: Me with sleeping baby in the stroller walking down the street with a coffee in hand and my little fur baby, Kobi, following us. That is always what I envisioned when thinking of my future with a baby. Certainly, there are also a couple of other pleasant alternate visions, such as me and hubby holding hands, baby in a carrier on hubby with Kobi following as well, strolling down the street. Are these visions realistic? Perhaps they are too serene and peaceful when I know there are going to be many sleepless nights and tantrums along with lots of diapers and random other messes. Although, there must be moments that make it all worthwhile.
Along with the discomforts of pregnancy, a constant concern for me has been the weight gain. I’ve been battling with weight issues for pretty much all of my life. While I was growing up, I had been immersed with vigorous gymnastic training. My weight ballooned at the time I decided to quit the sport. Consequently, since that time, I had been constantly reminded about this concern. While I do not believe I can be labeled as overweight, I do know that I have a larger frame, particularly for a person of Asian ethnicity. I can be defined as “curvy”, however, in a world which is obsessed with extremely thin girls, this curviness feels like a curse to me. Prior to the pregnancy, I had developed a routine of Bikram’s yoga and working out, along with being very cognizant of my food intake. Only with this determination was I able to keep my weight down. Now, it is extremely frustrating to see my weight increase dramatically. People encourage me to embrace this time and not be concerned with the weight gain, but I simply cannot let it go, and I am incredibly frightened that I will never return to my pre-pregnancy weight, or at least something close to it. I know that this little one inside of me is worth all of the pain and discomfort, but sometimes, it is easy to lose sight of this.
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