The Dynamics of Friendships as a Mother

One of the hardest lessons I learned since I started this rollercoaster ride of motherhood, was in regard to friendships. It could be said that you truly know who you can count on and who your real friends are, once you get pregnant. Those few individuals will be the people that actually stand by you during your pregnancy, and subsequently stand by you and your baby following the birth. I can assure you that some people will surprise you by their support, and some others may break your heart by their lack of support.

It is hard to say what it is about having a baby that may drive certain individuals away. I myself have been trying to understand this phenomenon since I got pregnant. A couple of wise older married friends with children have warned me that some friendships may change or be lost, but I definitely did not fully understand the depths of it, and the feelings of loss that could accompany a friendship breaking apart. Perhaps, it is the fear of the unknown for those individuals. Or perhaps, the friendship simply is no longer fun for them. I guess I was most shocked by how cold a “friend” could become, particularly when they were aware that I was going through something scary, foreign and emotional. During this time, I think the smallest act of kindness, such as a text message asking how you are feeling, could make my day.

Attaining closure after having dealt with the loss of a friend is something that I am continually working on. I guess this end point has been hard for me to achieve because I really do not understand the reasoning behind their shutdown. I know that if the roles were reversed, I definitely would want to be supportive of a friend that is going through a pregnancy, and the events that follow. Perhaps I am naïve to think that most people are willing to see past their own selfish needs and want to be supportive.

While I was grieving the loss of a few friendships, I did however become closer with a few particular friends and also developed a few new friendships. Other mothers in particular, were a huge source of comfort to me. I am grateful that there were a few new mothers who reached out to me following Jory’s birth because there were definitely lots of instances where I needed advice or it was even comforting to just know that they had gone through the same things. I would say to any new mom to appreciate any other mom who is willing to reach out to you. Great friendships could form when there are common interests…and play-dates are definitely something that I always look forward to.