Postpartum Depression

I want to discuss a serious subject today...postpartum depression. To start off with, I'd like to say that I definitely did not enjoy pregnancy. It was nothing like I had imagined. I guess I had envisioned the romanticized version of it, and I was just unprepared for all of the emotional and physical effects of pregnancy. It's funny because many women have told me that I would miss the pregnant belly postpartum. I can honestly say I don't miss anything about pregnancy otherwise than the fact that I cannot protect my child completely like when he was in the womb.

The reason I would like to discuss postpartum depression is because I feel like I could have easily fallen into a cloud of depression following delivery. In fact, I believe I was quite close to it. This was actually a big concern for me during my pregnancy. A couple of days following delivery, I found out that the "friend" I had previously discussed in earlier blog entries had gone and done something extremely important in her life and had left me out. I was utterly devastated. I was lucky that when I found out, hubby was nearby and I simply fell in his arms crying inconsolably. I cried for basically two days straight. I could not fathom how she could be so cold hearted when I thought of her as a sister and could never even think to hurt her in such a way. I think the only reason why I was able to come out from the cloud of depression was because I basically had no choice. There was family and friends all around me during this time, and many festivities that were taking place to welcome baby. I had no choice...I had to put up a strong front. I guess I should be grateful for this, although I simply wanted to retreat at the time.

To this day, I can't say that I am truly over the devastation of having been shut out of this person's life...all because I wanted her to be there for me during a time when I was going through something new, scary and foreign. I guess it will be something that I will never understand. I still can't really talk about it without crying.

I guess my reason for rehashing this experience is because I think this subject is something that people don't usually want to talk about. We would all like to believe that everything to do with having a baby is so happy and blissful that we don't want to mention the serious issues. I am blessed that I do have the support from family and friends. I am especially thankful for the support from a few other new mommies. I just hope that if you are a new mom, and you feel as if you are spiralling down into depression, that you force yourself to find the support before you miss out on any part of your beautiful new baby's life.