Darkness...

I feel like I have been spiraling down an endless abyss of darkness for months now. It is as if every time I believe I had hit rock bottom, something happens, and I go a little further down. My best friend told me last week that I simply must stop writing depressing entries on my blog, but it seems that perhaps it is this depression, that has brought out the writer in me. I know that in life, it can often be a matter of perception, but I honestly cannot see the light in my dark hole.

I spoke with another friend today, and surprisingly, my feelings of anguish came out quite naturally. Perhaps I had reached the end of my ability to stay strong and I simply had to release my feelings of sadness and frustration. The tears simply flowed...something I had not truly allowed throughout these last horrendous few months. I guess it was bound to happen. After allowing myself to speak freely about the sequence of events and the accompanying feelings, my friend suggested something that I had not considered. She said that the feelings I had described to her, all suggested that perhaps a stress leave was in order, and she encouraged me to go to my doctor. This is something I had never thought would be an option, and moreover, something I had never thought I would ever consider. When you look at how it is perceived in society, it is somewhat seem as a cop out, carried out by individuals that may be seen as slackers. The only time it is acceptable is if someone has experience something extremely traumatic in their life. The inevitable question is...would I really qualify for this? Have I finally reached a point in my life where a breakdown is so near that drastic measures are required? All I know is that if I do not receive some good news soon, something will have to give...